Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
