i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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