Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
