so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
