made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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