Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
