Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
