my phone needs a breathalizer
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
