I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
