even my farts smell like vagina
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
