it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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