Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize