Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
