Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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