Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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