My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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