You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize