plz talk dirty to me
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
