6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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