Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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