he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
