okay pat passed out under dana's car
Nicole vs. Life
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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