I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize