this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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