I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
