Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just cropdusted the office
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
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