Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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