My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
