His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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