walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
