I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
