I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
