I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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