I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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