i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
