I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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