"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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