is your mom at the bar?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
