Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i would punch a child for taco bell
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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