Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
