I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
