she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
