I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
