no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I need a beard to bite.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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