Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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