We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
