remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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