No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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