all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
God, you're like boner-b-gone
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
