I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Randomize
