I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize