I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
