yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
