Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
