and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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