So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
