do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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