I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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