I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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