I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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