Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
