I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So. Much. Porn.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
