Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
this boner is exhausting
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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