She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
