I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
