Quick, to the slutcave!
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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