I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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