I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
