you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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