Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
