So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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