There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
