i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Sext me about skeletons
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
