I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
