4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
