and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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