I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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