Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
