it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize